The science
Built on Gottman's Emotional Bank Account.
Dr. John Gottman spent 40 years studying what makes relationships succeed or fail. His findings are clear: it's not the absence of conflict. It's the ratio of positive to negative interactions — and whether couples keep making small deposits every day.
Gottman, J.M. (1994). Why Marriages Succeed or Fail. · Gottman, J.M. (1999). The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work.
5:1
The Ratio
Positive to negative interactions in healthy relationships during conflict. In everyday life, it's even higher: 20:1. A benchmark, not a rigid target.
86%
Turning Toward
The percentage of the time stable couples turned toward their partner's bids for connection. Couples who divorced did so only 33% of the time.
Small > Grand
Daily > Annual
Grand gestures don't build emotionally wealthy relationships. Daily small deposits do — a compliment, a hug, making tea. These are the building blocks.
"The jar doesn't measure who's winning. It measures whether you're both investing. Small deposits, made often, are worth more than one big gesture a year. The research is clear: the couples who last are the ones who keep filling the jar."
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